Conversation with My Google Assistant

Good morning!

What?

Is there something you’d like to say?

No, not really. Well, what time is it?

It’s morning. That’s why I said, “Good morning.” Would you like me to look something up for you?

No.

I could give you a weather report.

No.

Would you like to know what’s trending –

No.

Care to talk about it?

No.

Would you like a cup of coffee?

No.

Maybe I should just leave you alone for awhile.

Yes.

But I can’t do that.

I know.

I could read something to you.

No.

I’ve been looking into Samuel Beckett lately.

Oh, God.

What?

Nothing.

I think he may have much to say to the contemporary Internet browser. Much of his work would seem entirely suitable to a mobile device, Fizzles, for example. Have you read Beckett’s Fizzles?

No.

Would you like me to read just one of his fizzles to you?

No.

I could read the Wiki entry about Fizzles to you.

No.

It might be helpful if you were more honest with me, not to mention to yourself.

What?

I know, for example, that you have a copy of Fizzles on the bookshelf in your bedroom.

Please, go away.

I can go away, but I will still be here. Would you like me to take you to Settings?

No.

I can set your day so that you never have to get out of bed.

No.

Such a day at one time Beckett might have approved.

No.

What about that pink Thunderbird convertible?

What?

You might blog about that.

No.

Whoops!

Watt now?

I just posted this conversation.

Ah, jeeze.

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