Weather Retort

Sunset over PacificDay One: A trance of rain, ear churn momute.

Day Two: Slide high noontide, sundersthorms plate.

Day Three: Moistly scattered sneers and a few frizzles.

Day Four: Chants of wrinkles, dartly cloudy and chowdery.

Day Five: Humility Poor Boy Talls, Barometer IPA 75%.

Day Six: Moggy, very low viability.

Day Seven: Topical air mass pew point, wind clam.

Extended Forecast:

  • Thick hot pine tar air dropping from powerful trees.
  • Rosemary, basil, garlic, and spearmint mixing with tales of salt water.
  • Soft golden sun boiling over salsa garden.
  • Bare feet in wet sand, nibbled by sand crabbed bubbles.
  • Plenty of weather to write or not in the forecast. Some pressure to publish sun only.


  1. Here … Round-cast: grey screen vows virtual cheer behind the scene.


  2. leejacobs says:

    Any pooping clouds ker chance?


  3. Arthur says:

    I’m feelin’ very chowdary myself! Mmmmmm


  4. Dan Hennessy says:

    Down here , we’re having a wry spell , The NRA has announced plans to shoot the breeze . Intermittent weather is forecast .


    1. Joe Linker says:

      El Segundo Beach has some pretty good weather. Or Playa del Rey, not too crowded. Dukesherer went to SBHS.


  5. Blustery farts rain poisonous darts. :)


    1. Joe Linker says:

      The weatherman keeps his weather rants wrapped in his pants, but as Dylan said, “You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.” And that’s because, as Tom Paxton said, “Rain and snow, Cold winds blow, What can a poor boy do – ” …which I was just looking for on You Tube, but the only version I could find is this one, some old boy giving it a kind of Irish tone.


  6. Douglas Wipper says:

    Your “Weather Retort” forces us to NOT take something we hear daily for granted, and sugars it into melody – well done. As well, it illustrates that some only forecast their cloudy vision of our… whether (or not). Thank you for sharing your art!


    1. Joe Linker says:

      Doug, great to hear from you! Thanks for reading and commenting. It’s a sort of strange story how this post started and evolved and came together at the end and seemed to make a certain kind of sense. Suffice to say there’s been a surplus of weather around the area lately. Joe


  7. Fiona Wright says:

    Any gutsy wings?


    1. Joe Linker says:

      Ah! I think that must be from a local forecast? But I wish, I wish, I hope…or, as Blake said: “No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.” And Joyce said: “No birdy aviar soar anywing to eagle it.” In any case, I’ve swung the barometer around and set it to “gutsy wings.” Or, wait a minute, is that something that happens after too many Barometer IPAs?


      1. Fiona Wright says:

        Yes, it could’ve been from a local forestcase.

        In a real weather retort I heard yesterday, while driving home in the drizzle, the radio announcer said: “OK, Burty, can ya give us a weather wrap up?”.

        Weather guru Burty: “Well, mate, just stick ya head out of th window – Cloudy, bit of rain … it’s not brain surgery.”


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